Being a Stay-At-Home-Dad

If your reading this and don't know me before reading my blog, I am a stay-at-home-dad or (SAHD for short).  I've had my emotional ups and downs dealing with this especially as a christian man.  How can I be a centurion in this role?

After having my ability to raise my kids questioned by non-family members last year, I went to a christian counselor/shrink.  Very nice guy.  I like to think of myself as having some wisdom but going to him got me thinking in ways I hadn't up until then.

I have gone through more depressed times since being a homemaker.  The change of habits and the limits put on your old lifestyle can be hard to get used to.  A variety of things have affected me more than I realized before going to the counselor.

I was of the mindset that my job was less important than my wife's so I quit instead of my wife so we could still make ends meet.  Having the wife bring home the bacon creates a whole new dynamic in the leadership of the house that can be for seen but is hard to deal with regularly.  The counselor taught me to think of myself in the image of a leader that I can relate to.  A CEO, for example, has to make the decisions of the company and manages it but doesn't do everything himself.  As CEO of our household, the counselor taught, I can think of myself as leader, determining what happens to the whole family.  He suggested I act and dress closer to how I viewed a person with these responsibilities would do.  Act the part and my mood about my situation would improve.  I created the idea of a centurion and this blog to fill this role.

I'm also less likely to have guy interactions.  I can go to places where the kids can have fun but moms are more likely to be there than other men.  Not to mention, I have less adult interaction overall beyond going to a store and dealing with the clerks instead of being around coworkers on a day to day basis.  A centurion at a post on the edge of the frontier will have little interaction with people but is still expected to perform his duties.  The counselor, on this point, recommended getting involved with activities once a week/month where I will be around other men such as men's group at church or volunteering.

On going list of "unmanly" chores.  Oh how I can go on about these.  Washing clothes and dishes.  Cooking, scrubbing toilets and showers.  Vacuuming and mopping.  Wiping kids' rears.  (I only mention these as unmanly from the view point that the traditional view is that the wife homemaker would do these.  Men cook and clean as jobs so I'm not trying to demean those men who do these activities as a job or for pleasure.)  My wisdom and the counselor both pointed out that as the person at home most, these should be more my responsibility than my wife's.  The counselor did point out that as a man homemaker that I could do things my wife would be less likely to do even as a at home mom.  Chores such as repairs and maintenance of the house and vehicles and taking care of the pets would need to be done even if I was a full-time worker.  I can get those done earlier rather than having to wait until the weekend as I would a worker.  Its just hard to want to do the same chores day after day.  (Oh wait, I had to do that at work anyways.)

I've had to change my attitude over the years to accept my new "job" as primary parent and homemaker.  This is not a reason to be depressed that you can't do or have what you did before kids.  It's a different job.  A 24-7 job.  Men have had to do this as sailors, workers at jobs far from family, and soldiers.  You get shore leave/vacation occasionally.  While your at work, however, you have to be at your best so no one gets hurt and you produce the best possible results for your "company" (family).  This job is more a man's job than most care to admit.

P.S. This is a shout-out to my great counselor at the Sheridan House.  Highly recommend them.  They are a Christian based family ministry here in South Florida that can help you in a number of ways.