Marriage

I often wish that I had learned things earlier rather than later.  My relationship with my wife before and after our wedding was great but did contain the occasional hiccup.  We had our misunderstandings and arguments.  We got on each other's nerves.  The more experience I get the easier our relationship becomes.

After reading a BBC article about a husband and wife team that has spent extended time together in isolation from other people, it dawned on me that much of our life has been slightly more secluded than what many people may have.  As an example, before kids we would go to work, go out to eat and do a variety of leisure activities such as biking, travel, going to the beach or movies, or shopping.  We either did these things together as a couple or alone.  We seldom have guests (outside of the occasional relative coming to visit) to our home and we rarely go to others houses.  Even after kids, we keep mainly to ourselves.  (We do have the occasional play date with neighbors but not many.)  Maybe this self sought isolation contributed to our early arguments.

I found through time that there are very few things worth arguing about.  (Take note: I believe debating is great for a relationship but the difference is that a debate is a logical exchange of opinions and ideas and an argument is two people yelling at each other thinking they're the one that is right and the other is wrong!)  Looking back, I realize many of the things I got upset about were minor annoyances.  I wonder how many times my wife got upset with me for little things that I did.  The article describes that in times of isolation, people get irritable about things that are minor (aka cabin fever).  As an example, one time I got frustrated and upset about how my wife was not stacking the dishes in the cupboard the way I thought was best.

"Cabin fever usually manifests itself first in signs of irritation, and ends in violence."

I wish that someone would have taken me aside and taught me these things.  As a young adult, I don't know if I would have listened but it may have saved a great deal of trouble.  For my kids who may read this in the future, here are some things I learned about marriage from this article.

 "One has to be able to give the other person mental elbow room."

If my wife is in the same room with me, I sometimes have a hard time with this one.  I have learned that when she goes into our room she is usually needing some private time to read, work or do bills.  It's a lot less distracting compared to our main living area.

"Remain sensitive to each other's moods and concerns, never belittling."

I don't think I've done this often but I do know couples that have nagged at each other and they have ended in divorce.

"Showing care benefits both."

My wife has told me that the little things that I do make her happier even if they are relatively minor things.  She enjoys it when I open doors for her, or give her a back rub in the evening.  These things may not be efficient uses of time but they help our relationship.

In a marriage, we need to work as two independent parts of the same machine.  We each have our roles and jobs but we need to be able to work together to accomplish our goals.  As a couple and as parents, our goal should be to raise our children and keep our family together.  That means developing a good relationship with each other.  Hopefully, what I've learned will help keep our family strong throughout the future.

Antenna

Our condo is interesting in that it is very limited in TV options.  The entire time we've lived here, Comcast has been the only cable provider we could go with due to some sort of deal where there is only one line in and it's theirs.  We used to be able to get DirectTV satellite service but the HOA nixed that.  I can understand.  Imagine all the little satellite dishes attached to the roof line or rigged on people's porches. 

So our options are down to Comcast cable or indoor antenna (indoor for the same reasons as not being allowed to have a satellite dish).  Our condo, being built to strict hurricane proof guidelines, has steel studs in the interior walls and cinder block exterior walls.  I'm not sure if these have anything to do with it but our antenna reception has been horrible to nonexistent.  We went without cable for a summer after we had to end our satellite service and did well but decided to sign up for basic cable once the fall lineup came back on.  This was before kids and before internet services like Hulu and Netflix instant. With the cost of cable going up (not to mention the kid related expenses) we finally weened ourselves off of cable also.  For several months we only watched DVDs. 

Then one day I tried the co-axial outlet just to see if maybe it was somehow connected to an antenna (I know, silly idea but a friend mentioned that their apartment's plugs were switched to antenna when not plugged into the cable service).  Surprisingly, we got several basic cable channels.  We took advantage of that until they finally updated the equipment connected to our condo and we lost it again.

We've been that way for awhile now.  We toyed with the idea of getting a newer more powerful antenna but the price was always annoying for something we could do without.  We weren't even sure a bought antenna would do us any good due to the building structure, outside obstacles, etc.  So we made do with watching internet streaming up until now.

The bombing at the Boston marathon and the explosions in Texas (not to mention all the miscellaneous news elsewhere), reminded me of when I watched the morning news and saw the twin towers fall.  Made me kinda antsy to watch some actual news rather read the internet stuff.

I remembered that I had run across a link to a diy antenna that could pick up digital some time ago.  A quick internet search lead to several options many of which were great ideas but were overkill for what I could do in my condo.  I finally came upon a post via Make magazine blog that shows a fractal antenna.  I chose it because it could potentially get better reception in a smaller space.  I made a prototype with some speaker wire and cardboard using a printout I found.  I made this with stuff I already had to see if it worked before I spent money (which is in tight demand at the moment) on better stuff.  I made it as good as I could with the little time and the distractions that I had.  I plugged it into the TV via a coaxial and placed the antenna on a high shelf.

Darned if it didn't work!  We get 44 channels now and the signal strength registers at no lower than 87% most of the time for any of the channels.  On the down side, we do live in the Fort Lauderdale area, so probably a third of the channels is in Spanish.  Some of the channels may be duplicates but this is still 44 channels more than what we did have.

Sorry for the long post but I seldom attempt an electronics project like this.  I didn't think it would work, honestly.  I couldn't be accurate.  I like to strive to make things that are functional but also look great.  I just didn't have the time to put into this to accomplish my normal goals.  Now that I know it works well in prototype form, I may spend more time and money making a more permanent one in the future.

As an end note, I didn't go much into this as a how-to.  There are plenty of references online.  Go to the link above or search for "diy digital antenna" or maybe add "fractal" to the search terms.  If you really want my how to, then let me know.  Super simple, no soldering.  The next version will probably be more complex and better made but for now I get to watch TV again!

Happy Earth Day 2013!

I'm on board with the concept of Earth Day.  We should take care of the planet we live on.  Currently, it's the only one we have.  I agree with the concept of reduce, reuse, recycle.  Why I celebrate Earth Day may be different than what you are used to hearing, though.

First, as a christian, I do believe that this world is finite and one day God will choose to destroy it.  Even from a science background, you have to understand that the Earth's chances of getting destroyed are pretty good with events like the expansion of our sun, a collision with a large meteor/comet, political instability with nuclear (or other more powerful) weapons and the list goes on.  I don't support Earth Day from the view point of making the planet last longer.  My philosophy is more based on the Bible.

  "Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” - Gen. 1:28 NKJV

"Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." - Gen. 2:15 NKJV

 I believe that we are here to take care of the Earth for no greater reason than that God created it and everything it contains and then told us to take care of it.  We should not waste or destroy the things that God has created.

"Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good." - Gen. 1:31 NKJV

(Side note: This is the only time during creation that God says things were "very good".)

Second, I approach the concept of "living green" because it can save you money and give you more freedom leading to all sorts of other benefits.  Take some common examples of green living and think them through.  Solar panels and passive heating and cooling save you money (once paid off) by keeping you from needing electricity produced at a potentially polluting plant.  Healthier foods, building materials in our homes and businesses, and cleaning supplies (just to name a few) will reduce potential illnesses and subsequent health care expenses.

So what do I normally do and what did I do today?  

• Thanks to my wonderful wife, we recycle as much as we can.  Our condo association has recycling bins and all we have to do is make sure the paper, plastic, glass, or metal we are recycling is clean and safe for the workers (no sharp edges).  When we first started we reduced how much we threw away by half if not more.
• We keep the thermostat at a higher level than some might be used to.  We keep it slightly warmer and rely more on the fans to keep the air moving and cooling us.  (In our area, the moving air also reduces the humidity in the house and potential related problems.)  Today, because the temperature was mild outside, I just turned the air conditioner off all together and set a fan in the window to help air circulate.
• Many of the lights we regularly use are florescent and any incandescent ones are on dimmer switches.  Eventually I'd like to upgrade some to LED but I'm not sold on making all of them LED.  I'd also like to set some of our lights on motion sensors so that they turn off when we aren't in the room.

I hate to use the excuse of living in a condo prevents me from doing more but we are limited by size of space, money, and the way our condo is set up.  We will do more when we move and have more options.

With that being said, happy Earth Day!

Wife's Rules #8

Our kitchen sink has two bowls, one large and one small, with a garbage disposal in the smaller.  The faucet is positioned practically inline with the smaller bowl, so this one gets used more often.  Because of this, we have rule...

8:  Do not leave anything in the smaller bowl of the sink.  This is primarily due to our water pitcher.  We have one of the ones you fill and it filters the water.  It can get heavy while filling so my wife prefers to rest it on the bottom of the sink bowl.  Having things in the sink prevents this process from working out.  I don't prefer things in the sink because of the disposal.  If food meant for the disposal goes in the sink, I would rather it go down immediately rather than have to wait to clear out the dishes first.

This is another rule where it makes perfect sense but isn't always followed.

To my wife...

From: xkcd

Just because I love her.

Wife's Rules #7 - Nighttime Chores Part 3

Continuing with our evening chores.

7. Take the trash out (including bathroom & office trash, and cat litter as needed).  As a kid, I did this chore when I got home from school.  Now it's a nighttime chore because having kids diapers, shrimp shells, or any number of other smelly things in the can to greet you in the morning as you are trying to wake up is not something my wife likes.  This also includes bathroom trash (for similar reasons) and the office trash.  When due, this is combined with changing the cat litter which could be a whole other rule/chore.

There are some tasks that I don't anyone else in the family to do (at least until the kids are older).  The trash is one.  We live in a condo that has a trash valet (a service where you set out a garbage can and someone else will take your trash to the trash compacter on the property).  We don't use it because we are within walking distance to the compactor and usually aren't ready to take the garbage out by the time they make their evening rounds.  My wife doesn't feel safe walking to the compactor late at night and I don't really want her to have to deal with the trash/germs/etc. anyways.  So I usually will do this and take the dog so he can have his last stroll of the day.  Usually, the only problem is the weather.

As a side note, our condo neighbors throw out a great deal of stuff that should instead be taken to the dump.  They will usually put it behind the compactor so the property management will have to deal with it later (once a week on average).  Taking the dog and trash out gives me a chance to see if I can salvage something of use or something I can sell for scrap.  (This has been put on hold recently because we are planning a move and extra 'junk' takes up valuable space.)  You'll probably see a post about this activity in the future.

Wife's Rules #6 - Nighttime Chores Part 2

Having a pet means you have responsibilities.  Sometimes inconvenient because going out in the weather before bed is not high on my list but it is still necessary.

6. Walk the dog.  It's logical.  I don't want to go to bed without using the restroom.  I shouldn't expect the dog to hold it all night if he doesn't get a chance to empty out before bed.  Usually combined with taking the trash out (just to get two things done at once).

Our dog's name is Chopper and he is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.  I only mention this because I am proud of him.  I have to admit there has been a time that I forgot to take him out and he still held it over night.  Since the kids were born, he has gotten less attention but he still seems happy when I wash him or take him out.  Maybe because those are times that I am spending time with him.  It's nice to see his tail waging.  Makes me feel warm inside.

To be continued…

Wife's Rules #5 - Nighttime Chores

Due to a variety of reasons, I have a series of chores that I have to do in the evening with few exceptions.  Some are not rules imposed by wife but are things that seem to fall into chores that I'm supposed to do instead of someone else.

5. Fill the water pitcher every evening.  For years, we made coffee in a french press.  This means pouring boiling into the coffee grinds in the french press.  We prefer filtered water versus our local tap.  We use a water pitcher that has it's own filter.  It takes a little while to filter enough water to make a full pitcher.  This means to have water to boil in the morning, we need to have filtered water in advance.  We have since upgraded(?) to a drip coffee maker with a timer (which we don't use much) but we still need the water prefiltered due to usually have so many things to do already on a typical morning.  To cut down on bottled water we use reusable bottles and refill them.  Wife prefers to have water next to her bed at night and to take water with her to work, both requiring water filtered the previous evening.

I already made mention of the overnight clothes in the washer which is another nighttime chore.  I will usually do the dishes in the evening because it can be hard to hold a 10 m/o while doing dishes.  Add to this the nightly request for a backrub (which can be inconvenient but I enjoy doing) and having to put the kids to bed earlier in the evening.

I'm quite busy but I still try to find time to spend adult time with my wife watching t.v., reading, or talking about our day.  Yes I go to bed later than everyone else and get up as early or earlier than everybody else but things need to get done.

To be continued...