Our pastor commented once in a message in regards to people arriving late to church. His statement said that if you make being at church a priority, you would make extra effort to get there on time. This might mean leaving earlier, getting up earlier, planning the night before or any number of other things.
My wife is facing this type of situation with going to work. She takes my daughter to preschool, to which she has to be there by 9:00 am. She has a specific set of things that she has to do in the morning that she can't do before. If she gets up at 6 or 6:30 am she can easily get them done. The problem lies with two events that may happen and could cause her to have to rush. She may stay up late the night before watching TV, blogging, or working on stuff for her work or association she's a member of. She feels she has to get her sleep so she'll stay in bed until the kids get up at 7:00 which is the limit. The second problem will come about when she does make it to bed early but plan too much in the morning. For a few weeks, she tried to have prayer time and exercise time before she got ready for work. This combo often went well over on the time allotted. The result of either infraction causes her to stress about getting both herself and our daughter ready for school.
I try to help out since I don't usually have much need to get ready first thing. My only hindrances are taking care of the other two kids and pets. Everyone either needs to eat or potty/have a diaper change and can take a lot of time in the morning. Frequently, comments will be launched mentioning how I don't help much in the morning due to my forgetfulness or that I just don't seem to care. It seems that I will have to make sure to get up at least 30 minutes earlier just to get my things done before the others wake up. Breakfast will have to be planned on a prior date so that I can get up and prepare breakfast for everyone.
I haven't been the best at prepping in the past. I hope I can get this under control before our oldest gets to kindergarten. Our life would be so much easier.
2013-03-04
2013-03-01
Easy Path or Hard Path?
I came across this poem via The Art of Manliness. Thought it would be good inpiration for any man going through hard times.
The Quitter
By: Robert Service
When you’re lost in the Wild, and you’re scared as a child,
And Death looks you bang in the eye,
And you’re sore as a boil, it’s according to Hoyle
To cock your revolver and . . . die.
But the Code of a Man says: “Fight all you can,”
And self-dissolution is barred.
In hunger and woe, oh, it’s easy to blow . . .
It’s the hell-served-for-breakfast that’s hard.
“You’re sick of the game!” Well, now, that’s a shame.
You’re young and you’re brave and you’re bright.
“You’ve had a raw deal!” I know-but don’t squeal,
Buck up, do your damnedest, and fight.
It’s the plugging away that will win you the day,
So don’t be a piker, old pard!
Just draw on your grit; it’s so easy to quit:
It’s the keeping-your-chin-up that’s hard.
It’s easy to cry that you’re beaten-and die;
It’s easy to crawfish and crawl;
But to fight and to fight when hope’s out of sight-
Why, that’s the best game of them all!
And though you come out of each grueling bout,
All broken and beaten and scarred,
Just have one more try-it’s dead easy to die,
It’s the keeping-on-living that’s hard.
The Quitter
By: Robert Service
When you’re lost in the Wild, and you’re scared as a child,
And Death looks you bang in the eye,
And you’re sore as a boil, it’s according to Hoyle
To cock your revolver and . . . die.
But the Code of a Man says: “Fight all you can,”
And self-dissolution is barred.
In hunger and woe, oh, it’s easy to blow . . .
It’s the hell-served-for-breakfast that’s hard.
“You’re sick of the game!” Well, now, that’s a shame.
You’re young and you’re brave and you’re bright.
“You’ve had a raw deal!” I know-but don’t squeal,
Buck up, do your damnedest, and fight.
It’s the plugging away that will win you the day,
So don’t be a piker, old pard!
Just draw on your grit; it’s so easy to quit:
It’s the keeping-your-chin-up that’s hard.
It’s easy to cry that you’re beaten-and die;
It’s easy to crawfish and crawl;
But to fight and to fight when hope’s out of sight-
Why, that’s the best game of them all!
And though you come out of each grueling bout,
All broken and beaten and scarred,
Just have one more try-it’s dead easy to die,
It’s the keeping-on-living that’s hard.
2013-02-25
Wife's Rules #2 and #3
These two rules are similar so I put them up together. I don't like doing laundry and that coupled with having to deal with a 10 m/o that doesn't want to be put down leads to me asking wife to at least fold and put away laundry. I've agreed to run the loads through so they can be ready and try to sort, fold and put away as I can.
2. Wash at least one load of clothes a day. This is more to make sure that we don't have a huge pile of laundry to do on one day. There is also a shortage of wearable clothes for work/school/home to wear for an entire week, so frequent washing helps provide choices.
3. Make sure the washer is empty of wet clothes at the end of the day. Wet clothes left in the washer can develop smell or cause the washer to develop smell. It also makes finding clothes for the next day harder.
When a woman is frantic for a specific article of clothing, you do not want to let her know that it's dirty and needs to be washed (especially if she believes your the one responsible for washing the clothes in the first place). Its just as bad as finding the clothing smelly because of sitting in the washer. Your goal as the homemaker is to have clothing ready when needed (thereby reducing stress).
2013-02-21
Moving, Part 1 - Workbench
Before moving into our current home, I wanted to have a workbench. I made do with a variety of surfaces through the years, but when we finally moved someplace that we were planning to stay at awhile, I made one. It got used for a variety of things and proved itself to be a valuable piece of furniture/equipment. After many years, in preparation for our upcoming move, the bench had to be taken down.
In middle school, with the help of my dad, I made a train table. My intention was to set a modest but detailed N-scale model train layout in my bedroom. While the train did get built and a few models were added to it, the entire layout never really progressed. Over the years, the table became more of a workbench. I built other models on it, made a simple movie on it with my video camera, and used it for drawing. I found that after moving to college that the need for a work surface never went away. I used the workbenches in the school shop. In one apartment, I used a simple floor layout similar to what I read the Japanese woodworkers might use. Eventually I bought a small portable bench from Sears and used that until a move made it impossible to keep.
When we bought our condo, the shape and size of the garage made it perfect to build a bench. After looking up ideas online, I designed a simple but sturdy workbench. I made it out of 2x4's and one sheet of 3/4" plywood. It was 2' deep and 8' long. I mounted an upright 1/4" sheet of plywood to the back as a tool rack/holder. Even though it was a simple set up, there were things about it that I grew to love. The 2' x 8' size was easy to cut from one sheet of plywood and have enough for the top surface and a shelf underneath. The depth allowed me to have some workspace and still be able to put organizers toward the back. Even though it was 8' long, it didn't noticeably sag due to the use of full 2"x4"s to support the top and shelves and the weight kept it steady. Using the plywood instead of pegboard allowed me to arrange my tools in anyway I wanted. I just used wood dowels or custom shaped racks to hold my tools. As a side benefit, as time went on, if you used a tool, you could still see the silhouette of it because of the darkening of the plywood around it. On the other side of the coin, I never sealed it so when I would spill something on it or the cat would hack a hairball on it, the surface would stain. Because the cats spend most of their time out there, the front legs became impromptu scratching posts. I would have liked to have a set of drawers on it. I'm this thorough only because I would like to remember how it was made. I didn't get any photos of it.
I can't say I used it to make lots of wonderful things. It mainly got used as a surface to put things. Small objects that needed to be fixed, things that needed to be put away, and parts of projects I wanted to do all ended up there. This isn't to say that it didn't get used for for making or repairing things, it just wasn't often that I could spend time out there the last few years.
We are moving to a house that has a garage. Because it is my mother-in-law's house, there are still some things there. The garage was used primarily for storage of yard tools and other outdoor things like bikes, etc. My brother-in-law built a workbench in the basement and that is where most of the tools have been stored up until now. Having grown up in an area where we did not have basements, I can understand working down there because of the winter cold but otherwise I don't really want to have that as my shop. It's inconvenient to move things up and down the stairs. The dust control would be impossible as it is now because there is no door from the main area to the basement. Dust could go everywhere.
I plan on doing more projects, many of which will likely need a sturdy surface to be built on. If nothing else, I always need a surface to put odd things. So, after we move, the workbench will probably be the first thing I build.
In middle school, with the help of my dad, I made a train table. My intention was to set a modest but detailed N-scale model train layout in my bedroom. While the train did get built and a few models were added to it, the entire layout never really progressed. Over the years, the table became more of a workbench. I built other models on it, made a simple movie on it with my video camera, and used it for drawing. I found that after moving to college that the need for a work surface never went away. I used the workbenches in the school shop. In one apartment, I used a simple floor layout similar to what I read the Japanese woodworkers might use. Eventually I bought a small portable bench from Sears and used that until a move made it impossible to keep.
When we bought our condo, the shape and size of the garage made it perfect to build a bench. After looking up ideas online, I designed a simple but sturdy workbench. I made it out of 2x4's and one sheet of 3/4" plywood. It was 2' deep and 8' long. I mounted an upright 1/4" sheet of plywood to the back as a tool rack/holder. Even though it was a simple set up, there were things about it that I grew to love. The 2' x 8' size was easy to cut from one sheet of plywood and have enough for the top surface and a shelf underneath. The depth allowed me to have some workspace and still be able to put organizers toward the back. Even though it was 8' long, it didn't noticeably sag due to the use of full 2"x4"s to support the top and shelves and the weight kept it steady. Using the plywood instead of pegboard allowed me to arrange my tools in anyway I wanted. I just used wood dowels or custom shaped racks to hold my tools. As a side benefit, as time went on, if you used a tool, you could still see the silhouette of it because of the darkening of the plywood around it. On the other side of the coin, I never sealed it so when I would spill something on it or the cat would hack a hairball on it, the surface would stain. Because the cats spend most of their time out there, the front legs became impromptu scratching posts. I would have liked to have a set of drawers on it. I'm this thorough only because I would like to remember how it was made. I didn't get any photos of it.
I can't say I used it to make lots of wonderful things. It mainly got used as a surface to put things. Small objects that needed to be fixed, things that needed to be put away, and parts of projects I wanted to do all ended up there. This isn't to say that it didn't get used for for making or repairing things, it just wasn't often that I could spend time out there the last few years.
We are moving to a house that has a garage. Because it is my mother-in-law's house, there are still some things there. The garage was used primarily for storage of yard tools and other outdoor things like bikes, etc. My brother-in-law built a workbench in the basement and that is where most of the tools have been stored up until now. Having grown up in an area where we did not have basements, I can understand working down there because of the winter cold but otherwise I don't really want to have that as my shop. It's inconvenient to move things up and down the stairs. The dust control would be impossible as it is now because there is no door from the main area to the basement. Dust could go everywhere.
I plan on doing more projects, many of which will likely need a sturdy surface to be built on. If nothing else, I always need a surface to put odd things. So, after we move, the workbench will probably be the first thing I build.
2013-02-18
Being a Stay-At-Home-Dad
If your reading this and don't know me before reading my blog, I am a stay-at-home-dad or (SAHD for short). I've had my emotional ups and downs dealing with this especially as a christian man. How can I be a centurion in this role?
After having my ability to raise my kids questioned by non-family members last year, I went to a christian counselor/shrink. Very nice guy. I like to think of myself as having some wisdom but going to him got me thinking in ways I hadn't up until then.
I have gone through more depressed times since being a homemaker. The change of habits and the limits put on your old lifestyle can be hard to get used to. A variety of things have affected me more than I realized before going to the counselor.
I was of the mindset that my job was less important than my wife's so I quit instead of my wife so we could still make ends meet. Having the wife bring home the bacon creates a whole new dynamic in the leadership of the house that can be for seen but is hard to deal with regularly. The counselor taught me to think of myself in the image of a leader that I can relate to. A CEO, for example, has to make the decisions of the company and manages it but doesn't do everything himself. As CEO of our household, the counselor taught, I can think of myself as leader, determining what happens to the whole family. He suggested I act and dress closer to how I viewed a person with these responsibilities would do. Act the part and my mood about my situation would improve. I created the idea of a centurion and this blog to fill this role.
I'm also less likely to have guy interactions. I can go to places where the kids can have fun but moms are more likely to be there than other men. Not to mention, I have less adult interaction overall beyond going to a store and dealing with the clerks instead of being around coworkers on a day to day basis. A centurion at a post on the edge of the frontier will have little interaction with people but is still expected to perform his duties. The counselor, on this point, recommended getting involved with activities once a week/month where I will be around other men such as men's group at church or volunteering.
On going list of "unmanly" chores. Oh how I can go on about these. Washing clothes and dishes. Cooking, scrubbing toilets and showers. Vacuuming and mopping. Wiping kids' rears. (I only mention these as unmanly from the view point that the traditional view is that the wife homemaker would do these. Men cook and clean as jobs so I'm not trying to demean those men who do these activities as a job or for pleasure.) My wisdom and the counselor both pointed out that as the person at home most, these should be more my responsibility than my wife's. The counselor did point out that as a man homemaker that I could do things my wife would be less likely to do even as a at home mom. Chores such as repairs and maintenance of the house and vehicles and taking care of the pets would need to be done even if I was a full-time worker. I can get those done earlier rather than having to wait until the weekend as I would a worker. Its just hard to want to do the same chores day after day. (Oh wait, I had to do that at work anyways.)
I've had to change my attitude over the years to accept my new "job" as primary parent and homemaker. This is not a reason to be depressed that you can't do or have what you did before kids. It's a different job. A 24-7 job. Men have had to do this as sailors, workers at jobs far from family, and soldiers. You get shore leave/vacation occasionally. While your at work, however, you have to be at your best so no one gets hurt and you produce the best possible results for your "company" (family). This job is more a man's job than most care to admit.
P.S. This is a shout-out to my great counselor at the Sheridan House. Highly recommend them. They are a Christian based family ministry here in South Florida that can help you in a number of ways.
After having my ability to raise my kids questioned by non-family members last year, I went to a christian counselor/shrink. Very nice guy. I like to think of myself as having some wisdom but going to him got me thinking in ways I hadn't up until then.
I have gone through more depressed times since being a homemaker. The change of habits and the limits put on your old lifestyle can be hard to get used to. A variety of things have affected me more than I realized before going to the counselor.
I was of the mindset that my job was less important than my wife's so I quit instead of my wife so we could still make ends meet. Having the wife bring home the bacon creates a whole new dynamic in the leadership of the house that can be for seen but is hard to deal with regularly. The counselor taught me to think of myself in the image of a leader that I can relate to. A CEO, for example, has to make the decisions of the company and manages it but doesn't do everything himself. As CEO of our household, the counselor taught, I can think of myself as leader, determining what happens to the whole family. He suggested I act and dress closer to how I viewed a person with these responsibilities would do. Act the part and my mood about my situation would improve. I created the idea of a centurion and this blog to fill this role.
I'm also less likely to have guy interactions. I can go to places where the kids can have fun but moms are more likely to be there than other men. Not to mention, I have less adult interaction overall beyond going to a store and dealing with the clerks instead of being around coworkers on a day to day basis. A centurion at a post on the edge of the frontier will have little interaction with people but is still expected to perform his duties. The counselor, on this point, recommended getting involved with activities once a week/month where I will be around other men such as men's group at church or volunteering.
On going list of "unmanly" chores. Oh how I can go on about these. Washing clothes and dishes. Cooking, scrubbing toilets and showers. Vacuuming and mopping. Wiping kids' rears. (I only mention these as unmanly from the view point that the traditional view is that the wife homemaker would do these. Men cook and clean as jobs so I'm not trying to demean those men who do these activities as a job or for pleasure.) My wisdom and the counselor both pointed out that as the person at home most, these should be more my responsibility than my wife's. The counselor did point out that as a man homemaker that I could do things my wife would be less likely to do even as a at home mom. Chores such as repairs and maintenance of the house and vehicles and taking care of the pets would need to be done even if I was a full-time worker. I can get those done earlier rather than having to wait until the weekend as I would a worker. Its just hard to want to do the same chores day after day. (Oh wait, I had to do that at work anyways.)
I've had to change my attitude over the years to accept my new "job" as primary parent and homemaker. This is not a reason to be depressed that you can't do or have what you did before kids. It's a different job. A 24-7 job. Men have had to do this as sailors, workers at jobs far from family, and soldiers. You get shore leave/vacation occasionally. While your at work, however, you have to be at your best so no one gets hurt and you produce the best possible results for your "company" (family). This job is more a man's job than most care to admit.
P.S. This is a shout-out to my great counselor at the Sheridan House. Highly recommend them. They are a Christian based family ministry here in South Florida that can help you in a number of ways.
2013-02-15
Photo Opportunity
Flowering outside in February while a blizzard goes on up north.
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| Orchid, February 10, 2013 |
2013-02-11
Wife's Rules #1
I going to try to make a list of rules that my wife has asked me to follow. Not necessarily in order, I will track them as they enter my head. I find that while it may be laughable that we have "rules" for each other, they really are just a list of things that annoy us and/or they are just things that make life easier for us later down the road.
So to start:
At first I thought it was bad timing when I told her of a broken rule because I told her when she was trying to get ready for work. I found out later that there isn't a good time to tell her.
Along the same note, I can't figure out how to create rules of my own that stick. Unless she is motivated spiritually or by a person she respects and admires, she usually won't follow for long any rule I ask. It's not belligerence towards me. It's more that her attention isn't really on me as I ask her to follow the rule. I've blown up, early in our relationship, over little things that annoyed me and while she will follow that rule for a time, it puts too much stress on our family life. I have yet to find a method that works.
This could get into a huge post about being the leader of a family but I'll save that for another time.
So to start:
- If you put beans in the coffee grinder, grind all of them. This makes it easier to switch beans when you're in a rush later on. We have small airtight containers that hold an entire batch of coffee grinds so this potentially will keep the coffee fresher than leaving the beans in the grinder.
At first I thought it was bad timing when I told her of a broken rule because I told her when she was trying to get ready for work. I found out later that there isn't a good time to tell her.
Along the same note, I can't figure out how to create rules of my own that stick. Unless she is motivated spiritually or by a person she respects and admires, she usually won't follow for long any rule I ask. It's not belligerence towards me. It's more that her attention isn't really on me as I ask her to follow the rule. I've blown up, early in our relationship, over little things that annoyed me and while she will follow that rule for a time, it puts too much stress on our family life. I have yet to find a method that works.
This could get into a huge post about being the leader of a family but I'll save that for another time.
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